Lately I'm having a hard time coping with the idea that my children won't always be little and needing me. In a couple of weeks Lizzie will be going off to 1st grade where she will spend more time each day with a woman I don't even know than she will with me! My sweet Gracie, whom I have babied much more than I probably should have, will be going to Kindergarten. That has my stomach in knots. And my babies won't even sit still for two seconds to let me love on them and fill my reservoir. I once heard that being a mother meant watching your heart walk around outside of your chest. Every time I see their little faces light up with excitement or little bottom lips turn down with sadness, I feel that I will never again be in control of my heart.
So many days I sit completely enveloped in joy as I watch the people they are turning into. I think to myself, "take a picture in your mind right now and never forget it." But of course I always forget and that is what makes me sad. I want to always remember the funny things they say and the little voice they say it in. I want to remember the way they love each other and their mom and dad so much that it seems the rest of the world could disappear and we wouldn't even notice. I want to remember their smells and their funny expressions. I want to remember what makes them happy and what makes them sad. I want to remember waking up in the night to clean up "accidents" and comforting them until they fall asleep again. I want to remember their laughs, their cries and breathing. I want to remember feeling like a walking zombie from getting up every 3 hours for feedings and at the same time feeling like the luckiest woman alive to have these little people in my life. Every stage passes so quickly that I'm afraid to blink lately or I will miss something...
I loved this song from "Mama Mia"
Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see whats in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when shes gone theres that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I cant deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know
Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see whats in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers…
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile…
"
3 comments:
That is so true! They grow up so quick and time never seems to hold still! Your such a great mommy!
Thanks for sharing. I feel that same way but you get so impatient when things are hard. It's all true. I needed to hear that today. You are such a good mom!
Thanks for the good cry, Lora! I didn't see that one coming. Seriously, thanks for putting things into perspective for me!
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