Don't Blink

Lately I'm having a hard time coping with the idea that my children won't always be little and needing me. In a couple of weeks Lizzie will be going off to 1st grade where she will spend more time each day with a woman I don't even know than she will with me! My sweet Gracie, whom I have babied much more than I probably should have, will be going to Kindergarten. That has my stomach in knots. And my babies won't even sit still for two seconds to let me love on them and fill my reservoir. I once heard that being a mother meant watching your heart walk around outside of your chest. Every time I see their little faces light up with excitement or little bottom lips turn down with sadness, I feel that I will never again be in control of my heart.

So many days I sit completely enveloped in joy as I watch the people they are turning into. I think to myself, "take a picture in your mind right now and never forget it." But of course I always forget and that is what makes me sad. I want to always remember the funny things they say and the little voice they say it in. I want to remember the way they love each other and their mom and dad so much that it seems the rest of the world could disappear and we wouldn't even notice. I want to remember their smells and their funny expressions. I want to remember what makes them happy and what makes them sad. I want to remember waking up in the night to clean up "accidents" and comforting them until they fall asleep again. I want to remember their laughs, their cries and breathing. I want to remember feeling like a walking zombie from getting up every 3 hours for feedings and at the same time feeling like the luckiest woman alive to have these little people in my life. Every stage passes so quickly that I'm afraid to blink lately or I will miss something...

I loved this song from "Mama Mia"

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see whats in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when shes gone theres that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I cant deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see whats in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers…

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile…



"

I've been tagged!

Okay, I've been tagged for the first time and I'm not even sure if I know what I'm doing but here goes it! This is a picture one and I'm sorry, Amy, but I got these out of order and I also can't figure out how to add a caption to each picture.... Oh well. You get the idea.
1.Children (babies are asleep)
2.Fridge (Way too full of things we will never eat!)
3.Self Portrait (I know...Lovely!)
4.Closet (I was careful to avoid the floor of my closet)
5.Shoes
6.Toilet
7.Family Room
8.Kitchen Sink (Nice, I know)
9.Laundry Room
Okay so here it is. The best part about this is that I get to tag someone else now! The rules are that you have to do it right away and you can't change or clean anything before you take the picture.
I tag Kendi, Jenny Bonham, Heidi Larsen, Heidi Willden and Kacey Perry

My brother...My hero

Craig says he's never seen me put anyone on a pedastel the way I do my brother and I must admit its true. It's all those years of being the little sister and thinking that your big brother is the smartest, strongest boy in the world. Those long, hot and humid summer days growing up playing whatever random game he came up with (shooting those little green army men with his bb gun that he'd placed all throughout the garden, playing demolition derby in the hallway, dungeons and dragons, card games for hours in the playhouse, dressing up all goofy, sliding in the mud on our tummies in the flooded backyard.) Life was never boring with Mike around. He made me laugh until I peed my pants so many times growing up. He was the greatest thing in life. He wasn't just a big brother. He was my best friend that always let me tag along with him and "the boys" and never once acted like it wasn't cool to have his little sister around.

Mike came to visit us this weekend. He was recently promoted to Major in the Air Force and will be moving to Florida soon. He came to see us for a last visit while his wife and kids were in Alabama. After he left I sat at the table with Lizzie and Grace and as we ate lunch I got sad and started to get teary-eyed thinking about him moving so far away. The girls started asking me a million questions and I explained to them that someday they would feel the same way about each other. Someday they would grow up, get married and have children and that they may not always live close to each other. I told them how sad it would be when they didn't see each other very often but how much they would cherish the memories of sharing bunkbeds and giggling in bed long after bedtime, catching frogs, riding bikes together and playing all kinds of crazy games they come up with throughout the day. They looked at each other and Grace said, "Mom, I'm just always going to live right next to Lizzie, even after I have babies. And Mom, I'm going to bring my babies over to your house every day."

I love you big bro! Thanks for the great weekend and a lifetime of great memories! You will always be my hero.

Love, Lora

"I can do hard things..."

Today Hallie had a doctor's appointment so I piled all the kiddos into the car and off we went. I always forget how stressful it is to have them all there when I'm trying to talk to the doctor at the same time as keeping them off the spinning stools and out of his drawers. So right before he walked in I'm reading a brochure and look up to see Lizzie and Gracie both blowing up those rubber gloves like balloons, Hallie has climbed up in a chair and is practically hanging from the mini blinds on the window and CJ is licking the full-size mirror. Bargaining time: So first I got Hallie and CJ under control while making a deal with the girls that if they will sit quietly when the Dr. comes in then we will go to the cafeteria afterwards. (My kids would rather go to the hospital cafeteria than a McDonalds with a playground!) Weird, I know. Anyways, Dr. Siddiqi came in, checked out Hallie, then looked over and said, "Wow, your kids are so well behaved. I bet they are great helpers with the twins." Mission accomplished. He walked out and the blowing up gloves, spinning stools and licking mirror continued....When I got into the car to drive home I felt like I had really accomplished a major feat today. A trip to the doctor with 4 kids. When I told my sister about my day she told me when I'm in situations like that to just repeat "I can do hard things, I can do hard things, I can do hard things..." That is my new mantra.

Day at the Lake

A few days ago we decided to go up American Fork Canyon for a picnic (that turned into a fishing excursion.) We packed up the picnic basket, poles and kids and headed down the road. The ride was absolutely beautiful. Going up these gorgeous canyons always reminds me how beautiful Utah is. We pulled out all the food and ate while Hallie and CJ stirred up the dirt with their Cheetos then ate them. I'm not sure which they ate more of that day, dirt or cheetos. A few minutes later they discovered the water...with Gracie's help. CJ loved throwing rocks in the water and playing with sticks. Hallie just kept pulling on our legs to pick her up because she hated walking on the unlevel ground. Gracie kept getting her hook caught on everything in site. Lizzie fished with her Dad with no luck (Craig's certain it is because he brought the wrong bait.)

It was a great day in a beautiful place and I'm glad we went because it's so easy for our family to get stuck in a rut sometimes instead of pushing ourselves to get out and explore...the twins may have a little to do with that, though. It really is a lot of work chasing them around. We all left much more dirty, tired and determined to find the fish next time.

Hallie's Day at the Hospital

I first must tell you how much I love Primary Children's Medical Center. For any of you that have had a baby there for any period of time you know what I mean. It is such a special place that I almost feel reverent every time I walk in (and I'm there a lot!) A friend told me when she had son there that an older nurse said that she honestly believed there was an angel at the foot of every bed. I must admit that I agree with that nurse whole heartedly. I've felt comforted time and time again as I rocked my sick babies.

Hallie had her second surgery on her cleft lip this morning. I was amazed how quickly and smoothly our visit went. We checked in then met with Dr. Siddiqi and the anesthesiologist. He took Hallie back to surgery while we grabbed some breakfast in the cafeteria and by the time we got back they were finished! She was so happy almost the entire time. The only thing that she got sad about was having to take off the hospital pj's and leave them there. It was so funny but she kept reaching for them and crying. Amused that that could be the reason for her being so sad, we put the little hospital top back on top of her pj's from home to see if it would make her happy. Sure enough, she tucked her arms up under her chin as if hugging herself in her favorite pair of jammies. It was so dang cute and it broke my heart to make her leave them there. Then we came home and cuddled up in bed for a long nap. Thanks so much to Rachel and Suzanna for the yummy food. You guys are so thoughtful and made my day so much easier!

Happy 4th!

Well, I've finally done it. I've succumbed to the world of blogging. I figure if I'm going to be terrible at journal writing, maybe this blogging thing will trick me into journaling. We had a great 4th of July! Happy Independence everyone! We joined Suzanna and Lee's family for swimming, hot dogs, fireworks and all wonderful things that come with the 4th. Craig and the girls went to Stadium of Fire and boogied with Hannah Montana while the twins and I just played at Suzy's.

As I sat out by the pool and watched the jets fly in formation overhead, my eyes swelled up with tears. We are so blessed to live in this amazing country with so many freedoms we take for granted every day. My sister Lynn sent me a story about the signing of the Declaration of Independence. What I took most from it was a quote from a letter John Adams sent to his wife Abigail after signing the Declaration (which actually took place on July 2nd, 1776):

"The second day of July 1776 will be the most memorable ephocha in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the Day of Deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other from this time forward forever more."

Many, many women and men have given their lives so that I can sit by the pool on the 4th of July sipping lemonade and watching my kids run and play.... I am blessed.